Just for Today

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inspirational; encouragement; people, self improvement

It’s the beginning of March and for most of us our New Year’s Resolutions are stalling by now, with the anticipation of the new beginnings now wearing on our hopes. It is because of this waning resolve, because of our daily trials and self-doubts that I write this article to offer encouragement to anyone that needs to be reminded that every one of us struggles at different times with reasons to continue trying; to carry on; and to keep fighting for our dreams, whatever they may be.

Some of us may be struggling with a mountain of debt and financial/job worries; while others are fighting to fulfill a desire in our hearts; and others may just be trying to find our purpose in life. There may be some of us dealing with health issues, weight loss problems and fitness goals; while others may be dealing with loss; depression or loneliness. There are so many issues that often come up in life that I cannot think of one person that has never had to deal with at least one of them, (for some of us it may even be several at a time). I know this list is far from inclusive, but whatever you are currently fighting probably seems like the worst trial ever because you are in the middle of it now.

I have heard several clichés for these types of struggles, and often I flinch when well-meaning people recite them to me during my times of turmoil. (We have all heard them… everything from “keep your chin up”, to “never give up”. For those of us with a belief in God  there are many more than even these, and although I never doubt these Biblical verses and quotes, they can get difficult to hear repeatedly when I am in the midst of one of life’s storms.) Then there is the added annoyance of all the generic advice and pre-packaged formulas on how to fix the problem.

I’m sure that most of us have heard of “S M A R T” goals – Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely (for those of you who have not), but I am equally sure that some of us have difficulty following through with that concept from beginning to realization. Having said that, I do think that there is value in having an end goal and then breaking it down into manageable, orderly steps. But that does not make it any easier to stand at the bottom of a mountain and maintain confidence in one’s ability to reach its summit. And this is where the problems for many of us lie…

I have often even heard it thought of as laziness or poor planning and for those of us who suffer from lack of “follow through” we can be our own worst enemies. We get down on ourselves, our abilities and tend to think that things will never change, so we often just give up.

A better approach (for me at least) is to cut myself some slack. I cannot change what I did or didn’t do last year, yesterday or even a minute ago so I am not going to spend this moment or any of the next punishing myself for my own feelings of failure. My aim is to work on just this day; just right now and let the past and future take care of themselves. There is some value in my knowing the bit-size pieces that I must take in order to reach the end goal, but I can’t do them all at once, so I want to focus on just one – the one I need to do now.

If I only get one thing done today I will still be one step closer to my goal than if I spend my time wallowing in my failures instead. So for today, right now, I will attempt to do just this one thing, and although it might take me longer than some to conquer my mountain, I am confident that I will get there too!

As I sign off I remember one of my favorite sayings (not because it’s a particularly happy thought, but because it rings so true):

“Anything worth having (or doing) is never easy in the getting, but that is usually what makes it worth it.”

So whatever you are going through I wish you luck, and the fortitude to find your own way through whatever it is.

Life’s not fair (but it’s not all bad either)

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inspirational; encouragement; people, joy and peace

In my soul I feel compelled to write on this topic and pray that it will encourage someone today.

I have no idea why things happen in this life… I cannot say why life can sometimes do a complete 360 in the blink of an eye, but I can say with sureness of heart that all these trials can be good for us if we chose to think beyond the problem. I once heard a saying that went something like “Problems are merely possibilities waiting to be discovered.”

Now this is where the challenge lies! Sometimes it’s so hard not to focus on all the negatives: Why me? Why him/her? What do I do now that I can’t do ____? Who am I if I am not (your career; your spouse’s mate; mother/father; son/daughter; ____ )?

Whatever your challenge, whatever it has changed in your life, or the lives of those close to you…these are the things you need to forget about because there is no place for the pity and depression that comes from focusing on them. Remember that your circumstances and/or trials do not define the person you are…your inner self is who you are, (meaning how you think, how you feel, how you love, what you do with your free time and resources, and so on). Nothing that changes in the world around you has the power to change who you really are unless you let it. And this point bears repeating: Your abilities may even change but you are still you (unique and special and you)!

If your life has changed due to some tragedy the only thing to do is move on… This is the part that takes commitment because it requires that you focus your attention on what you can do and enjoying every part of those things. Be thankful for what you have and persevere through the bumps, mountains and mole hills in this life with dedication and hopefulness. Perhaps the storm you are navigating is temporary, but perhaps things will never be the same again…what then? Do you throw away the rest of your life because mentally you can’t get past the fact that it has changed? (I truly hope not.)

I would also encourage you not to waste your precious time trying to figure out how this problem came to be, (depending on the problem you may most likely never know), and even if you do figure it out it is not going to change the present. Life changes all the time, sometimes for the better and sometimes not, the best we can do is do what we can do and always look for ways to find joy; peace and love.

I can say all these things because I believe them! I have experienced tragedy and personal misfortune and the only thing that has gotten me through all these things is my outlook. Sometimes I fail in my ability to retain peace and hope but never love or faith. My trust in my God keeps me strong and from worrying about all the things that I cannot (and never could control). I get nudges from loved ones when I get on the wrong track and immediately attempt to rectify my thought patterns. Again, I stress the point is that this is not always easy, but it is always worth the effort. (And just as worthy is realizing that I was never really in control of most of the things that I thought I was in control of anyway…the length of mine or anyone’s  life; the choices my children make; and many more similar things that cannot be controlled by any person throughout history.) We are what we are and we can only do what we can do – the rest is up to powers beyond our control and there is freedom in letting go of the control we never really had.

I know someone dear to me who is struggling so hard to be the person she used to be that she is overlooking the things she still is (loved; helpful; mother; wife; friend; mobile; creative; faithful; trustworthy, etc.). I don’t know if she will ever be the same as she was, and I am almost positive that she will never hold the same professional positions that she fought so hard to attain in her life, (as she has suffered a form of brain injury during an accident), but I am sure that she can adapt and enjoy the new life she has when she lets go of the past! I do not pretend to know to what extent she will be able to function or if she will ever work again, but she is very hard on herself for all the things she can’t do, often with little regard for the things she can. (With further adjustments and adapting to new ways of doing things, who knows how far she will take this new life and what she will accomplish in it.)

We all seem to struggle to some degree with change because it is unknown, uncomfortable and sometimes scary, but no matter what the issue I/you face, we can get through if we look for reasons to continue. The young mother trying to complete school to better her life and her child’s; the single mother whose husband inexplicably fell out of love; the devoted husband who suddenly lost his wife to disease; the father and provider who lost the security of a job he has had for years due to recent cut backs… none of these things matter as much as finding the reasons to look forward with hope for good things and/or better times and a genuine appreciation for what you still are; can do; and still have!

Because of my most recent health related misfortune I am planning to start a new career, new hobbies and adventures and am excited to be planning them. Something I probably would have never gotten around to if I hadn’t been stopped in my tracks – so there is always a silver lining to every cloud! And I think that at least in my case, this was the point: I needed to stop what I was doing because I wasn’t doing the things that really should have been doing or even the things that were important to me personally.  I made excuses for why all those other things (job included) were so much more urgent than even my own family, and kept saying that eventually I would get around to the things that were more meaningful and fulfilling but not what I considered tangible priorities.

Whether or not you have a faith, you might simply be needing to make a life change and everything that’s going wrong might be leading you in that direction until you have no choice but to listen and switch directions.  You might consider it coincidence, or just plain unfair, it does not matter… the best advice I can give you is to: live simply, live purposely joyful and I wish you well no matter where you are or what you face this day.

***

Thank you Father God that Your word confirms “that if You bring me to it, You will see me through it.”

Invisible Me (the background story)

Tags

inspirational; encouragement; people

As I mentioned in my previous article… I do consider myself to be one of what I call “invisible people”. And although I believe that there is a significant difference between being alone and being lonely, I sincerely don’t want to give you the wrong impression of me. I am generally content and happy with my life, but there are days when holding off a desperate need for companionship is almost impossibly unbearable.

I am not sure how it came to be that most of my life has been spent alone and seemingly unnoticed… I would like to think I am an average person, (with average intellect and looks), but my social skills have always seemed to be lacking. In fact, I think I would be less uncomfortable standing in a room full of screaming babies than I am in a room full of other adults. Not for a dislike of people, but for a paralyzing awkwardness that has been mine all of my remembered life.

As for my marital status… I have an extremely wonderful, caring and attentive husband that leads an entirely different life style than I do… he is very socially active and often wishing me to accompany him more during these outings, but often the shear pressure of such social engagements is more than I can handle and I opt to stay away.

I feel that it is important for me to tell you, that although dating and marriage is not the intended goal of my suggested interaction with people you have never really communicated with before, it was in my case, a happy side effect of my husband’s persistence in getting me to come out of my proverbial shell, at least with him. And I am positive that I speak for both of us, when I say that it was the best thing that could have happened to us both!

The main point that I wish to express is that: At times I think we all go through various highs and lows emotionally, and sometimes a kind word, can do wonders for a broken heart or a saddened spirit, no matter who we are (and regardless of how “together” we might appear to be on the outside)!

PS.

When I find it again, I will upload a copy of a picture I drew when I was a teenager, illustrating just how alone and often lonely I felt as a young woman. (Though I am obviously not invisible in my drawing, it is a fairly good visual of how isolated I did, and still can sometimes feel.)

Invisible People

Tags

inspirational; encouragement; people

Have you ever gotten so used to something, even unpleasant somethings, that when it changes it totally throws you for a loop?

That’s me, “invisible me”.

I am quite used to going out into public and having nobody notice me, even at a crowded event. (I have, actually, stood in line ups for things and had the counter person look to serve the person behind me, before they even noticed that I was there.)

I used to say that being “invisible” kept me out of trouble, because if no one knew I was there… there was little chance of anything going wrong. (Like the very strict, parents who weren’t getting mad at me because most of the time he hardly noticed me, unlike my outgoing sister who was always trying to get attention and often getting herself into trouble for it. Or the habit of attracting all the wrong boys, so it was easier just to be the wallflower, at parties, that no one spoke to.)

As much as I can say that I still don’t like attention – it makes me nervous and uncomfortable, I can also say with certainty that I don’t like being lonely! And in truth, it never kept me out of trouble. In fact whenever I did get attention it was so out of the ordinary that I had to have more… I craved it, and that need often led me to do things or hang with people that I knew I probably shouldn’t. All the wrong kind of people often prey on the weak and the outcast.

To this day I often have panic attacks that make me want to run and hide when confronted with a social gathering… and I am still haven’t decided which is worse – the fear of what to do or say if someone does talk to me, or the lonely painful rejection when they don’t.

If you have ever been in a social setting where you know that you knew almost everyone there, (school events; church functions; and so on) – and although you are standing in the same room, with everyone else, eating or drinking and being a part of the event – still no one acknowledges you… then you know what I am talking about.

But if you are part of the lucky majority of other people that have no idea what it is like to be “invisible”, please go up to someone you have never really seen, although you may have inadvertantly looked through them to see past them, and introduce yourself.  You may have to do this several times over the next countless times that you see them, before you can get them talking, but trust me when I say it is not because they are snobs; stoners; intentionally rude; or simply don’t want to – it is more likely that they are so uncomfortable that they have sunk back inside themselves for fear of the unknown. Such a tiny gesture could save a life, (if not literally, then figuratively), and is well worth the tiny amount of time and effort that it will take to become a friend to the friendless.

It is especially true that some of us, “invisibles” are so alone that depression and desperation are all we can feel, and these people urgently need to know that someone out there sees; cares; and is willing to put the effort into helping them be part of the human population.

As a final thought, I will simply say that every person alive needs human contact, in some form, to feel wanted; to feel special; to feel alive!